Yours, Mine and Ours

One of the most popular misconceptions I hear is about separate accounts. Many people seem to believe that by simply placing an account in their own name, it is non-marital property. I also hear the same rationale for debts, especially credit card debts. Many people seem to believe that, if a credit card is in the name of one spouse only, that debt belongs to that spouse. This is not always the case.

Under Florida law, a marital asset is anything acquired or enhanced during the marriage regardless of how it is titled. Basically, every dollar earned during a marriage belongs equally to both parties. If one spouse has a separate account and deposits his/her paycheck that was earned while the parties are married into that account, the account now has marital funds. Even if the account was opened prior to the marriage and was, at one time, a non marital asset, there is now an issue with commingling of the funds in that account. The same may be true for retirement accounts.

When it comes to credit card debt, just as money earned during the marriage belongs to both parties equally, debts that were acquired during the marriage are the equal burden of the parties. At least, this is the starting presumption. There are several factors that can affect whether the debt is marital and how it should be divided, and paid for, especially when it is in the name of one party and not both. And it is also important to keep in mind that, even if a Court Order or settlement agreement states that a party is responsible for a debt, this will not stop a creditor or collection agency from collecting from the party whose name is attached to the debt. If the debt cannot be transferred to the party who will be responsible for it, there must be some safeguard in place to protect the party holding the debt in case the other party does not pay.

Florida family law attorneys can help guide clients about how to divide assets and debts. Anyone facing a divorce should seek the consultation and advice of an attorney before signing any agreement or proceeding with divorce.

The above is intended for general information purposes only and should not be considered legal advice. It is highly recommended to consult with an attorney before making any decisions or signing any settlement regarding the division of assets or liabilities.

State Sues Sperm Donor For Child Support

A Kansas who man donated sperm to a lesbian couple is now faced with a child support action from the state. The man and the couple signed an agreement that the man would not be responsible for child support. The state, who has paid out benefits to the couple, is now seeking to be reimbursed and is seeking child support from the man.

      Generally, sperm donors have neither legal rights nor support obligations to a future child. In this case, the donor responded to a Craigslist ad and decided to make a voluntary donation to the couple. According to the article, the man and his wife have no biological children, but have a foster child. He is quoted as saying that he simply wanted to help a couple have a child. Had he donated sperm through a physician or agency, he would likely not have received child support and paternity papers from the state.

      This may seem to many to be a case of no good deed going unpunished. But we need to keep in mind that it is the rights of the child that the state seeks to protect. It would seem to me that, if the man is forced to pay child support, he would have cause to seek reimbursement from the couple to whom he donated. But, since they appear to be collecting state benefits, it is likely that they do not have the resources to reimburse the donor.

      One thing is clear: anyone seeking to participate in the fertility process through donation or surrogacy should consult with a family law attorney. A Florida family law attorney can guide you to the appropriate agency and help you take the proper steps to make sure that the selfless act of helping a couple conceive a child does not result in an unexpected burden.

http://news.msn.com/us/child-support-claim-rankles-sperm-donor-to-lesbian-couple-1

Florida Alimony Reform: The End of Permanent Alimony in Florida

Last year, a bill was introduced to make sweeping changes to Florida’s alimony laws. The proposed new law would have done away with permanent alimony, and substituted it with “long term alimony”. The original form of the proposed law changed the definition of long term marriage to 20 years, as opposed to the current definition, which is 17 years. The original form of the bill provided that an award of long term alimony could not exceed 60% of the length of the marriage.  In other words, if the marriage lasted 20 years, the long term alimony could last no longer than 12, unless there were special circumstances. This bill did not become law.  A subsequent bill was introduced which was far less restrictive, but did provide that retirement was a change in circumstances which could justify modifying or terminating alimony.  This, too, did not become law.

      But the calls for reform continue, from groups who view the current alimony laws as unfair. The Florida Second Wives Club and the Florida Alimony Reform Movement, which are working hard to get their message across. According to the group’s website, Florida Representative Rich Workman and Florida Senator Kelli Stargel are sponsoring bills in the House and Senate, respectively. Senator Stargel’s bill is aimed at the concerns of the Second Wives Club- to prevent an alimony recipient from, in their words, “going after” the income of the new spouse. In less emotional language, this means that, if a alimony paying former spouse remarries, and the new spouse contributes to household expenses, a Judge can take into consideration the reduced expenses of the paying spouse when deciding whether alimony should be modified.

      It is difficult to predict whether 2013 will bring any attempts to change Florida’s alimony laws. But this is definitely an issue worth watching. Floridafamily law attorneys should be aware of these potential changes so they can help guide their divorce clients through the process.

Avoiding the fiscal cliff in divorce

There has been much talk about the fiscal cliff and how to resolve it. The basic formula seems pretty simple- spend less and earn more. Anyone following the news lately knows that this was anything but simple for Congress. When it comes to divorce, many people face a similar fiscal cliff issues- do I increase my “debt ceiling”? And, what do I do when there’s not enough money to go around? Unfortunately for divorcing couples, you can’t just raise more money in the form of taxes (and there is no government fund for alimony. Yes, I have been asked that question). So that brings us to the common dilemma of the recently separated and newly divorced: How do you avoid going over the fiscal cliff? Much like our government, the formula is often the same.

 

1. Cutting spending: The unfortunate reality of divorce and separation is that each party has less money and more expenses. The family’s income now has to pay for two places to live and all the bills that come with two households. One person may be paying child support and/or spousal support to the other. Since each side has less money and more bills, the short term solution is either to raise the debt ceiling (take on more credit card debt of loans, which is not a good idea) or to cut expenses. Cutting down on spending is painful, especially when you are dealing with the loss and adjusting to the changes of divorce and separation. But it will be much easier to find things to go without in the short term that to pay off the excess spending in the long term.

 

2. Increasing revenue: Yes, the economy is still tough, but finding an additional source of income will help pay those additional expenses both parties now have (let’s not forget the cost of moving, buying new furniture, setting up all of those utility accounts, etc. And, yes, there are probably those lawyer fees too). In many divorces, after the combined income has been split in whatever way was agreed upon or ordered by a Judge, both parties often feel the loss of the additional income. Even if there is enough money to pay the expenses, there is less to put into savings and less for life’s little or not so little luxuries. Since you can’t increase taxes like Congress did, finding a way to earn a little more will help ease the transition from married to separated or divorced.

 

As we learned this week, there is no perfect formula for avoiding a fiscal cliff. But there are steps you can take to prevent your own fiscal and emotional crisis down the road.

Seven Deadly Sins of Divorcing Men

Keeping it fair and balanced. Here is the list for the men:

Men are also prone to errors that can have a lasting impact on their divorce settlements or lives beyond the final judgment. Below is a list of the seven deadly sins of men, or Dad’s, or Ex-Husband’s, whichever the case or appropriate label may be.

1. Fighting for principle: “I will go to court at all costs” and “it is the principle of the thing” are two statements I hear from male clients in negotiations gone south or cases headed to trial. While I never have and never would tell anyone to go against their principles, I caution divorcing clients about the price tag attached to their principles and whether the value gained is worth what is lost as a result. Anyone who finds themselves fighting for “the principle of the thing” should ask themselves what they are really fighting for and if the “at all cost” is worth it.

2. Underestimating child support expenses: Florida’s child support guidelines are supposed to be the anticipated amount each parent should contribute towards the support of their children. But I have seen few, if any Moms or Dads who feel the child support number is “just right” or even right at all. On Dad’s side, there is a common misconception that child support payments are used to fund the now extravagant lifestyle of Mom, rather than benefit the children. In the average household, this is simply not the case. In many instances, child support covers food, clothing, housing and all those little extras that come along, such as school field trips, projects, lunch money, etc. As all parents know, those expenses really do add up. Unless Dad is a professional athlete or celebrity, the guideline amount, while not exactly right in either party’s mind, will not allow Mom to purchase diamonds and firs.

3. The joint custody battle: Websites are devoted to this topic and it’s a popular question in my office as well. When Dad comes in and states that he wants joint custody, I always ask what that means to him. I then ask if he’s comfortable committing to living within a short distance from mom and the kids until they reach 18. In a good number of cases, rotating custody works quite well. But there are those who do not understand the concept or who think they are limited to either “joint” custody or being the “weekend dad”. Unless there are extraordinary circumstances to justify sole custody, Dad remains a decision maker, stays in frequent contact with the kids and continues to coach soccer, softball or any other activities he enjoyed with the kids, with or without “joint custody”. There are many alternatives in between the seemingly all or nothing positions and it is important that Dad know about and consider these options before taking a stance or declaring a “custody battle”.

4. Taking control: While more and more marriages involve equal income earners, or Mom’s outearning Dad’s, this is a popular mistake made by divorcing Dads in what are usually labeled “traditional marriages.” Dad is the breadwinner and decision maker. This Dad may not want to give Mom her share of assets or child support or alimony, whatever the case may be, as Dad believes Mom will not be financially responsible. This Dad forgets the Declaration of Independence portion of divorce- the concept that both parties live separate and free. Mom is responsible for herself, and the kids if the kids live with her. Courts do not allow Dad to monitor Mom’s spending and do not require Mom to account to Dad for this spending. The judge will impose this requirement and fighting for it is a sure way to lose.

5. The alimony dilemma: There are many alimony jokes for a reason. No one likes to pay it. This includes men and women, who are paying alimony more and more these days. But, in that “traditional” model again, its Dad paying alimony to Mom, or, in cases where there are no children, Ex-Husband paying Ex-Wife. Florida law provides guidelines for whether alimony will be paid. In some facts and circumstances, alimony is a given, and, in some of these instances, permanent alimony is guaranteed. I’ve had clients who would do anything to “buy out” this alimony obligation and some that just had to accept it as reality. In some financial circumstances, it is possible to make a lump sum buy out of alimony. The question is whether it is in the parties best interest. This, of course, depends on the facts and circumstances. The no alimony at all costs Dad/Ex-Husband should seek the advice of a trusted attorney to and, in many instances, an accountant, to find out the options or whether there are options in the alimony dilemma.

6. Separated and not equal: This, again, addresses the “traditional” situation of Dad as breadwinner. Dad worked and brought home the paycheck. Mom may have stayed home and raised the kids. Or maybe someone else raised the kids. Or maybe there were no kids and Mom, or, rather, Ex Wife, just stayed home. This Dad/ Ex Husband thinks that since he earned more than Mom/ Ex Wife that he gets a greater share of the assets. In the majority of cases in Florida, what was earned by the marriage, by Dad, Mom, Ex Husband, Ex Wife, interest, appreciation or otherwise, is marital and what is marital is divided equally. If Mom worked less than Dad, or Ex Wife did not work at all, spouses are equal partners in the marriage. Dad may hate it, Ex-Husband may hate it even more, but this is the likely outcome.

7. Not giving an inch to avoid the extra mile: This mistake is similar to the principle argument that can derail settlement or prolong a case beyond what may be necessary. There are often issues which are minor in the big picture but which become emotional sticking points. When clients negotiate, they are asked to give up certain things and make concessions in order to reach an agreement. What can happen is that Mom/Ex Wife is “sweating the small stuff” as discussed in the previous article and asking for one seemingly little extra that Dad/Ex Husband doesn’t want to give, if for no other reason than that Dad/Ex Husband feels he has already given too much. A fine example of a disagreement that isn’t worth the time spent arguing it is the division of frequent flier miles, which have minimal cash value. But when this one last request for ½ of the hard earned miles comes in at the end of a long negotiation, it may often turn into a sticking point and cause both sides to spend more money discussing the item than what its really worth. In some instances, there is greater value saved by giving in than the value that is lost by continuing to disagree.

Divorce is undoubtedly emotional and men and women, generally speaking, react differently in the face of the emotional crisis. While the reaction is understandable, the financial and prolonged emotional consequence can be avoided in some instances. The key to avoiding these mistakes lies in knowing when to advocate for something and knowing when to give in.

Seven Deadly Sins of Divorcing Women

We have all heard of the seven deadly sins, and most of us can name at least a few. When it comes to women and divorce, the transgressions are not gluttony, envy or pride, but they can be quite damaging. Below is a list of what I call the seven deadly sins, or biggest mistakes commonly committed by divorcing women.

1. Asking for too little: Women often feel guilty about divorce and responsible for their spouse. As a result, women often shortchange themselves in divorce settlements, accepting less than they deserve or, in some cases, less than what they need to live. I strongly encourage my clients to work towards settlement, but also stress that settlement must be fair. Under Florida law, both parties are equal partners to a marriage and there is no fault in ending it. The main goal of settlement is not just to close the marriage chapter but to make sure both parties have enough resources to go forward. Settling for less than an equal share and not enough for the wife and children to live on is simply not fair.

2. Asking too much: On the opposite side of the spectrum, some women have unrealistic expectations about what to expect from a divorce settlement. Rather than listening to their lawyers, many seek the advice of friends, relatives and others who divulge the details of their divorce settlements as though they are the norm, rather than the outcome of their specific set of circumstances. Many couples spend tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars litigating their divorce because one party believes they are entitled to more than the law will allow. Much like the deadly sin of greed, unrealistic expectations can be emotionally and financially costly.

3. Avoiding confrontation: By nature and nurture, women are taught to be non-confrontational while men are taught to be assertive. Men tend to have less trouble taking a strong stand while negotiating or litigating. Many women tend to want to keep the peace and, even in the midst of a divorce, will back off from asserting a reasonable position or pursuing something to which they are entitled. While most divorces can, and should, be settled, there are instances where it is necessary to go forward. In a highly emotional state, it is difficult, if not impossible to know the difference. But not taking a stand can be as costly an error as taking an unreasonable one.

4. Sweating the small stuff: Divorce is emotional for both parties, but men and women handle it differently. Men tend to hide their emotions by fighting or withdrawing while women allow their feelings greater reign. While this is an important part of the healing process, it leads many women to focus on details which, while important, are not legally relevant. This, in turn, leads to a lack of focus on the important aspects and increased costs as a result of fighting over things that are not worth the money spent to litigate them.

5. Paying to high a price for comfort and security: One of the first questions my female clients ask is whether they can keep the home. One of the first questions I ask them is whether they should. Many women will sacrifice everything to remain in the marital home. While it is the right decision if financial circumstances allow for it, maintaining a large mortgage and household expenses can leave a woman with an overwhelming financial burden. Deciding to stay in the home, either by buying out your spouse or taking the home in place of alimony, is not a decision that should be made for emotional reasons, but for sound financial ones.

6. Forgetting that knowledge is power: More and more women are wage earners, but a significant percentage still have no knowledge of joint assets and finances. One party, in many cases, the husband, makes all financial decisions. At the outset of divorce, women in this situation spend considerable time and money investigating the financial picture and, in worst case situations, trying to locate hidden assets. Those who are equal partners in financial decisions or, at least, have knowledge of money expenses, accounts and assets, are in a far better bargaining position.

7. Waiting too long: Many people, men and women alike, take a long time to reach the difficult decision to end a marriage. Trying everything to make it work, a step I highly support, is one thing; but there are those who, when faced with the knowledge that their partner is depleting assets or even planning for divorce, take the hiding-their-head-in-the-sand approach and do nothing for a period of time. It is understandable that it takes a great deal of strength to reach the decision to divorce, but, in these circumstances, waiting too long can prove disastrous. By the time these women file for divorce, debts may have become too large to handle without liquidating assets and money may have disappeared without a trace.

Finding the right lawyer at the right time can help avoid these costly mistakes. A knowledgeable and neutral advocate can provide much needed advice at this difficult time. Even if the woman has engaged in any of this costly behavior, a divorce attorney can help reverse the damage before an agreement is reached and the case is closed, preventing a costly mistake from having a permanent outcome.

Florida alimony changes: new options

Florida divorce law has been given a big change with the passing of a recent bill. Florida judges now have a new option in awarding alimony. known as durational alimony. The law is designed to address situations where permanent alimony is not the best option, but is the only option available. Florida law has prevuously recognized gray area marriages- those of more than a dozen or so years- as situations where permanent alimony may not be appropriate. Now, in those situations, a Florida judge can award durational alimony. An award of durational alimony is for a period of years and can be modified or terminated.

It is too soon to know whether the law will effect cases already pending or divorce already filed or how often durational alimony will be used. When it comes to alimony, entitlement and number of years for alimony are always decided on a case by case basis. Those who have specific questions about their Florida alimony case should contact a Florida family law lawyer for advice.

Florida Courts experience backlog with child support cases

With job and income losses, more and more people are filing for modification of child support. And many can't afford lawyer. It appears that the Court system cannot handle the backlog of cases and people are waiting up to six months for their day in court.


http://www.miamiherald.com/2010/03/03/1509258/child-support-cases-tie-up-courts.html?story_link=email_msg

No really, you keep it: The one asset that neither party wants

In this time of recession and falling home prices, neither party wants to keep the house anymore. As this article illustrates, there are options to break the We Can't Afford the House deadlock. Word to the wise: simply quit claiming the house to your spouse does not get you off the hook for the mortgage. Make sure you are protected credit wise and against a possible foreclosure in the future.

Read the article

Lousy spouse? There's a website for that

In a previous post, I discussed why posting details about your divorce on Facebook is not a good thing. For those of you who just can't get away from blogging, there is a website where you can do so and attempt to remain anonymous. I say attempt because there is no way to keep information anonymous when you post it on the internet. For those of you in the middle of a divorce, keep in mind that anything you post can and, if located by your spouse or his/her lawyer, will be used against you in Court.

Legal disclaimers aside, the website is lousyspouse.com. Its mission statement is to provide support to anyone going through the divorce process. And this includes a forum for venting about everything divorce-related- including your attorney.

Divorce Court: understanding what a Judge can and cannot do

Much of the angst associated with divorce results from a misunderstanding of the court's role in the process. Many times I've heard, as a mediator and as an attorney, "I'll just take it to court", meaning the Judge will make all of this fair for me.

While the courts do strive for fairness, there are limits on what a judge can or cannot do, especially in the current challenging economic times where job losses and foreclosures are on the rise. No matter what the economic situation of a couple is, a judge cannot make a situation fair from an emotional standpoint.

One of the most important things a person can do to avoid a costly divorce is to avoid unrealistic expectations. No one will walk away "with everything" and no judge will decide if your spouse was a good partner to you. In addition to emotional expectations, a person's economic expectations need to be held in check as well.

The information below was excerpted from a divorce magazine article featuring Judge Toler, of Divorce Court fame:

The judiciary is required to provide both fairness and resolution, a difficult thing to do in a divorce. What could be more complicated than untangling lives that have been intertwined on every level for years? How can the law address all of the nuances of everyday life and the entire range of human behavior?

The answer is, it can't. Unfortunately, in order to achieve resolution, sometimes the law must make generalizations with respect to what is fair. So your court's answer to "how do we end this" may seem somewhat arbitrary. Sometimes the law simply has to say: "This is the way we are going to do things."

What the divorce courts say

Canada and many U.S. states, including Florida, have adopted child support guidelines, a mathematical formula in which you plug in the numbers (income and the like) and do the math, and out comes the support amount.

In a community property state, the court looks to divide marital property 50/50, no matter who made what during the course of the marriage.

In an "all property" state, the law may not distinguish between marital and separate property at all.

Canada and most U.S. states (with the notable exception of New York, where fault is an issue in contested divorces) provide no-fault divorces. That means the court will not consider either spouse's misconduct during the marriage in determining support or property division, except in cases where a spouse's misconduct has depleted assets.

These generalizations notwithstanding, it doesn't mean that a judge has no ability to make equitable determinations based on individual circumstances. Judges almost always have some judicial discretion. That's the leeway the law gives to judges in implementing those general rules. Sometimes, the law will give the judge the ability to consider not only the factors outlined by the statute but also any other factors that will promote a just and fair outcome. In some no-fault jurisdictions, a judge can consider a party's misconduct if that party's actions are sufficiently outrageous or depleted the marital assets. Even when the law requires judges to follow mathematical support guidelines, a judge may deviate from them in certain situations, although they are typically required to provide written support for their decision.

In sum, the Court tries to strike a balance between applying the law and being fair. But, in the end, the court gives you the most important thing of all: resolution.

Saving marriages during a recession

One New Jersey family therapist took to heart President Obama's national service provision. Its a little known portion of the economic recovery plan which calls for a national service plan similar to the Civilian Conservation Corps, which was created in response to the eerily similar Great Depression. But Dr. Alan Singer is doing more to answer the call than the President requested.


In response to a blog posting criticizing the plan, Singer submitted the following:

"I want to take it one step further during these stressful times of increasing unemployment and home foreclosures. I believe it is time to think about giving one day a month to help others by using our profession skills, especially to help those who recently lost their job or their house."

Singer volunteers his services on the weekends, meeting with couples who have been hard hit by the recession and whose marriages are struggling as a result. He spends his "free" time, free in two senses of the word, helping middle aged couples address the loss of the savings and helping younger couples struggle with the decision to begin or expand a family in these tough economic times.

Singer has seen the "nightmarish" stress that unemployment and foreclosure can impose on a marriage. He said there's an overwhelming lack of hope among these victims of the recession, for whom each new day brings only a new bill to pay or resume to submit.

If Singer had his way, these marriages would all survive. His efforts will certainly help some. But, even if divorce is inevitable, Singer's efforts will help these couples deal with the reality of divorce without the negative emotions that cause people to engage in battles over property (even when there is no property to fight over) and children.

Florida’s relocation statute and proposed changes

A couple of years ago, Florida lawmakers modified the relocation statute to include a rather strict set of requirements for a primary residential parent seeking to leave the state, or the geographical area, with the minor children. Currently, only the primary parent needs to take these steps prior to relocating. But, if a non-residential parent leaves the state, or moves more than 50 miles away, chances are good that the time sharing schedule with the children will change. This is often the subject of much after the fact litigation as the non residential parent moves and then seeks to modify or enforce visits with the children. A proposed change in the law may affect the non residential parent who doesn’t take steps to address the timesharing schedule before moving.

The proposed new law will require the non-residential parent to file a Notice of Relocation similar to the one a primary parent is now required to file. The notice will have to include a proposed time sharing schedule. If the parents cannot reach an agreement, the Court will hold a hearing and set a time sharing schedule which takes into account the travel distance between the child or children and the relocating non-residential parent. The Court may also address the issue of who will be responsible for travel expenses and whether the non-residential parent should receive an offset against child support for these expenses.

There is also a provision addressing the situation where the parent who moves away spends less time with the children. In such cases, child support may be modified upward to take into account the increased expenses borne by the residential parent.

It is too soon to say what provisions will be included, or whether the law will change at all. However, given the new timesharing statute and the trend towards more parents spending equal time with their children, it is clear that the state lawmakers need to set rules in place for situations where either parent moves away, especially since there is no longer a primary residential parent designation.

Recession is the right time to divorce: family law attorneys weigh in on the subject

It is no secret that divorce filings have decreased in recent months. Many people believe they are in a situation where they "can't afford to divorce". However, two divorce lawyers believe differently.

According to a St. Louis attorney who describes himself as representing men in divorce, the current recession is the ideal time to divorce. If divorce is going to happen, he reasons, its far better to divorce at a time when assets and income are at their lowest.

A Tampa based divorce attorney who represents women agrees, but for different reasons.
The recession can be used to his client's advantage as well, especially in what were two income families. If a woman has been laid off from her job, it stands to reason that she will have a need for increased child support and alimony.

Its hard to say whether many people agree with the reasoning of either lawyer. One thing is clear: divorce rates in south florida have declined. In Miami-Dade County, divorces dropped from 3,239 for the first three months of 2008 to 3,196 during the same period in 2009. In Broward, the number dropped from 2,148 for the first quarter of 2008 to 1,543 for the same period in 2009.

No one can say which gender will fare better by divorcing in a recession. But the one encouraging thing I see, as a collaborative attorney and a mediator, is that many couples are not buying into this "seize the opportunity to divorce now and pay less to your spouse" mentality. They seem to recognize that their spouse may not go quietly with less money and will probably launch a counter attack, i.e. a highly contested divorce. A highly contested divorce = lots of money spent in lawyer fees. Forget dividing what is left of the 401k- it will be liquidated and divided between your two attorneys.

If this happens, the economic gain advertised by these lawyers, i.e., less assets to give to your spouse, less alimony/child support, etc., will be offset by the high cost of contested divorce litigation. As the saying goes, only the lawyers will win. It appears that many recognize this, preferring to wait to divide their union in less economically distressed times and, perhaps ironically, have decided that, at least for the present, that they are in this together.

DO IT YOURSELF DIVORCE PART FOUR: PREPARING A SETTLEMENT AGREEMENT

In the last do it yourself divorce article, I discussed how reaching an agreement is only a step in the process. A parenting plan and marital settlement agreement must be prepared and filed with the Court. This is another area where do it yourself divorce participants can run into trouble. Since most do it yourself divorce participants do not have experience in drafting divorce agreements, its not uncommon to miss important details and end up with an incomplete agreement.

One of the most common omissions is a detailed parenting plan. Many people believe they will simply work matters out as they arise and do not create detailed schedules for timesharing, holidays or vacation time. Do it yourself divorce participants may also forget to discuss extracurricular activities or college expenses. If a dispute arises later, some of these items may be waived because they are not included in a settlement agreement. It is important to take the time to address each and every issue before a problem arises. A divorce attorney or family law mediator may be of assistance in helping a do it yourself divorcing couple identify and reach agreement on all children-related issues.

A do it yourself divorce agreement may also lack time parameters or specifics for the sale or transfer of property. For example, if one person is going to keep a house or other property and needs to refinance to remove the other person’s name, the do it yourself divorce agreement may fail to state when the refinance will take place. Or, if a property is to be sold, the do it yourself divorce agreement may have no language about selecting a realtor, agreeing on a sales price or what to do about repairs and expenses before the home or property is sold.

The above are only a few examples of details that may be overlooked in a do it yourself divorce agreement. It is important to be as specific as possible in order to avoid problems and disputes down the road. Anyone who has specific questions about a do it yourself divorce agreement should consult a divorce attorney.

In the next post, I will discuss the last stage of the divorce process- the final hearing- as well as the matters that come up after a divorce becomes final.

Do it yourself Divorce Part Three: Timesharing, Parenting Plans and Child Support

In a do it yourself divorce, the devil is often in the details. Many potential clients tell me that their divorce will be “uncontested” and that they and their spouse “agree on everything”. More often than not, people believe this to be the case only because they have discussed the big picture and not the details. Once two people begin discussing how much money one will pay the other for child support and who will spend this Christmas with the children, a seemingly uncontested divorce suddenly becomes anything but and the desire to remain amicable is replaced with threats about going to court.

As a Florida family law mediator, I find that the biggest disputes arise over child support, alimony or time sharing. In a do it yourself divorce, even the most amicable divorcing couples can find themselves taking different sides when it comes to matters involving parenting plans, support issues, i.e., child support or alimony and children. It is common to disagree on these aspects, because, after all, you are getting divorced. Do it yourself divorcing parties often reach a stalemate on these issues. Caught between the desire to handle the divorce themselves and the mounting frustration of not being able to reach agreement, many abandon the do it yourself divorce at this point and decide to simply battle it out in court.

In part two of this do it yourself divorce series, I urged anyone with questions about finances to consult with a divorce attorney and possibly a financial professional as well. Assuming there are no questions about income, the do it yourself divorce may be able to proceed with a little assistance. Using the services of a mediator may be very helpful in resolving a disagreement and getting both sides to reach a compromise. While a mediator cannot give you legal advice (and, as discussed previously, if you have questions about your child support or alimony rights or obligations, you should consult with a divorce attorney) he/she can help you work towards a settlement that you can both live with. Using the services of a family law mediator may cost more than a do it yourself divorce, but it may save you money in the long run if you are able to come to terms with your spouse. A family law mediator can also put your agreement and your parenting plan into writing so that you have a settlement agreement to file with the court.

A disagreement about time sharing, or a parenting plan, or even how to prepare a parenting plan are all issues that can cause parties to abandon the do it yourself divorce concept. Before “taking this to Court”, as many people indicate they wish to do when a disagreement arises, both parties need to keep in mind their reasons for choosing the do it yourself divorce process. Generally, the well being of the children is the main reason for trying to avoid court in the first place. When it comes to your children, you and your spouse are in the best position to decide what is in their best interest in terms of time sharing and making decisions about their health education or well being. While you may disagree on these issues, it is rare that anyone- parents and children included- will be happy with a Court Ordered schedule. This is another situation where it might be helpful to use the services of a divorce mediator to help you reach an agreement or to prepare your parenting plan.

Keep in mind that “agreeing on everything” is not the end of the process. A settlement agreement must be prepared and filed with the Court. In the next article, I’ll discuss the preparation of a settlement agreement and how to avoid the do it yourself divorce pitfalls.

DO IT YOURSELF DIVORCE PART TWO: GATHERING THE ESSENTIAL FINANCIALS

In the first article about do it yourself divorce, I discussed what to do before getting started. The next step in the do it yourself divorce process is very important in deciding whether this is right for you.

Florida divorce law requires that parties getting divorce file financial affidavits and list all of their assets and liabilities. In order to draft a complete Marital Settlement Agreement, you need to know everything you own and everything you owe. This would include all bank accounts, credit card statements and retirement accounts. It is highly recommended in do it yourself divorce situations that you obtain current statements for each and every account that you and your spouse have, whether the account is in one or both names. In a do it yourself divorce situation, you and your spouse should be on good enough terms that you share this information with one another. All of this information must be listed on a financial affidavit and both parties must sign under oath that they have provided full disclosure to one another of all assets and liabilities and that the information provided is truthful and accurate. You will need this information to decide how you are going to divide your assets and liabilities.

Once you have a Florida financial affidavit and all information about your assets and liabilities, questions may arise. Is an asset or liability marital or nonmarital? How do you split credit card debt? What happens with a retirement account that began before the marriage? What about pensions and profit sharing? A divorce lawyer can advise you about whether an asset or liability is marital or non marital. This is one of the things that should be addressed in your initial divorce consultation. Credit card debt can be a tricky issue if both parties names are on a specific credit card and the debt is to be split. In a do it yourself divorce situation, you need to think about how you are going to divide this debt and how you will protect yourself and your credit if your spouse does not pay his or her share. When it comes to retirement accounts and pensions, you may want to consider hiring a financial professional to perform a valuation of the account, pension or profit sharing. You should also speak with your divorce lawyer about your obligation to divide these assets or your rights to a portion of these assets.

The Florida financial affidavit also requires that both parties list their incomes. What happens if you do not know your monthly income? This is a common question for business owners or those who are paid by commissions. In those situations, it is important to speak with a financial professional, such as an accountant, to get advise regarding how to calculate your monthly income. If you have questions about how much your spouse earns, you should address these questions with a divorce lawyer or an accountant.

These are just a few examples of questions and issues that may arise during the do it yourself divorce process. The financial portion of a divorce may be the most challenging aspect in the do it yourself divorce process. The important thing to keep in mind is that many decisions you make in this part of the process may be binding and non-modifiable so it is crucial that all of your questions are answered before you proceed. If you have questions or concerns about these or other financial aspects of your divorce, speak with your divorce lawyer or accountant before making any decisions about dividing property, assets and liabilities.

Do it yourself Divorce Part One: Know Before You Begin

Do-it-yourself divorce is becoming more popular these days, especially among those who feel that they can’t afford to divorce. Many divorcing couples also fear that hiring divorce lawyers will lead to emotional and costly battles over children, property and finances, so they are opting for the do it yourself divorce. There are a wide range of options for DIY divorce, including using an online divorce service, obtaining a large pile of divorce forms from the Clerk’s office, mediation or hiring a divorce lawyer to draft or review a Marital Settlement Agreement. The DIY divorce may not work for many, but it also may be the only financially feasible option for those who cannot afford to divorce. No article can take the place of legal advice- but this five part series will give some tips for the do-it-yourself divorce process.

Before embarking on a do-it-yourself divorce, it is important to know what the issues are and what you can and should expect in terms of timesharing, support (child support and alimony, if it applies) and dividing property and liabilities. It is highly encouraged that the first step should be to consult with a divorce attorney. While this is the step that most do it yourself divorce seekers want to avoid, it is crucial to have an understanding of divorce law and your rights. Too many times people in do it yourself divorce situations enter into a settlement agreement and forget to include things only to find out later that either they have waived their rights or that they will now have to spend even more money clarifying their Marital Settlement Agreement. A free divorce consultation may sound tempting, but will likely be a brief meeting with little information provided about how to go forward with the divorce process. It is recommended that you have a thorough initial consultation with a divorce attorney to discuss your children, proposed timesharing, your income, assets and liabilities. During this initial divorce consultation, a divorce lawyer can give you suggestions on how to divide property, calculate child support and divide assets. A divorce lawyer can also discuss with you the information you need to gather in order to make decisions as well as the potential problems that may arise. The cost of an initial divorce consultation may be a small price to pay considering what is at stake.

During an initial divorce consultation, there are several items that must be addressed. If you have children, your divorce lawyer should explain to you the changes in Florida law regarding parenting plans and time sharing. Florida law now requires a parenting plan in all divorce cases, so your do it yourself divorce plan should take this into consideration. You can also discuss with your divorce attorney whether or not to include extras such as college tuition and extracurricular activities. During the initial divorce consultation, your divorce attorney can also review the particulars of your financial situation, especially the big concern for most do it yourself divorce seekers, which is the residence. Your divorce lawyer can discuss with you whether you should keep your house or sell it, who will live in the house until it is is sold and how you will pay not only the monthly bills but any expenses and repairs that arise. In order to have a complete Marital Settlement Agreement, you need to be aware of these concerns.

These are just a few of the concerns you need to discuss with a divorce lawyer. There may be more depending on your specific situation. In the next article, I will discuss how to become familiar with your financial situation and how to deal with questions about assets, liabilities and income.

The information included in this article has been prepared by Lori Barkus, Esq. for information purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for legal advise from your own legal counsel. Transmission of such information is not intended to create, and receipt does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship between Lori Barkus, Esq. and the receiver. No information in this article should be acted upon any person, entity or firm without first obtaining proper legal advise. Please feel free to contact us for a free case evaluation. However, be advised that the act of sending electronic mail or any telephone communication with Lori Barkus, Esq. or Lori Barkus P.A. does not in and of itself create an attorney-client relationship.
The hiring of a lawyer is an important decision that should not be based solely upon advertisements or articles written by the attorney. Before you decide, ask us to send you free written information about our qualifications and experience.

Facebook and divorce: How to Twitter, post and status update your way into family law peril

A recent article in Time Magazine about Facebook and divorce reported some not too surprising findings about how a divorcing party’s facebook posts lead to further legal troubles. (http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1904147,00.html?cnn=yes)
It is a common practice to post details of one’s life on a website such as Facebook or Myspace along with personal information such as relationship status, photos and, apparently, comments about divorce proceedings. What divorcing posters (and postees- those who are being posted about, that is) need to keep in mind is that this public information may find its way in front of the judge who will decide how you share time with your children, how support will be paid and what assets and liabilities need to be divided.

During the high emotion throes of a divorce, it may be tempting to update your facebook status with a rant about what a bad person your soon to be ex is or to send a post into Twitter cyberspace notifying all interested and non-interested persons of this information. But, before doing so, keep in mind that, if it can be seen by the public, it can be printed by your spouses attorney. For those of you thinking, so what, bear in mind that the Judge deciding who will promote the relationship between the children and the other parent is likely not to see this as harmless venting. This is especially true where there are children who are old enough to access a computer and savvy enough (as more and more young children are these days) to search and find such posts. Venting and losing your cool during an emotionally stressful situation are understandable; posting your thoughts on a medium where they will be around for eternity and accessible to your children are not, at least not from the point of view of the person who may be called upon to preside over this aspect of your life.

What about the rest of the picture? It might be harder to convince a judge that you cannot pay that large amount of support when you are “tagged” in photos from a recent vacation or that there are no assets to divide when you inform the cyber-world of your recent purchase of a boat, motorcycle or car or that you didn’t commit marital waste (spend marital funds on another person or relationship) when there are photos of you and a significant other at a restaurant, out on the town or on that vacation mentioned above.

The bottom line is that what’s posted on the internet does not always stay on the internet. And, even if none of this surfaces in a divorce proceeding, your children may find it.

The myth of 50/50 timesharing

Since the passing of the new parenting bill, many have believed that Florida is now a 50/50 time sharing state. While the words "custodial" and/or "primary residential" parent are no longer used, this does not mean that children will spend equal time with each parent in each and every case.

First, Nothing in the Florida law says that there is to be equal time with each parent. Instead, the law makes it clear that timesharing is to be determined based upon the unique circumstances of each and every family. There are several factors which judges need to review in order to make this decision, including, the amount of time each parent spends with the children and the amount of involvement in specific parenting tasks. The simple statement by a parent that he or she wants 50/50 timesharing simply is not enough.

Second, as most of us recognize, there simply cannot be a "one size fits all" approach to parenting. What works for one family may not work for another. It is also important to keep in mind that the standard is what is in the best interest of the child. Although this would seem to be on everyone's mind, those that fight to divide their children's time to be exactly equal may be ignoring the wants and needs of the particular child or children. How much time a child spends with either parent depends on the age of the child, the activities of the child and other factors. This does not mean, and judge would appear to agree, that it is always in the children's best interest to spend only alternating weekends with one parent either. The bottom line is that any parenting plan and timesharing schedule needs to be tailored to the particular family, with special consideration to the needs of the children involved