In a do it yourself divorce, the devil is often in the details. Many potential clients tell me that their divorce will be “uncontested” and that they and their spouse “agree on everything”. More often than not, people believe this to be the case only because they have discussed the big picture and not the details. Once two people begin discussing how much money one will pay the other for child support and who will spend this Christmas with the children, a seemingly uncontested divorce suddenly becomes anything but and the desire to remain amicable is replaced with threats about going to court.
As a Florida family law mediator, I find that the biggest disputes arise over child support, alimony or time sharing. In a do it yourself divorce, even the most amicable divorcing couples can find themselves taking different sides when it comes to matters involving parenting plans, support issues, i.e., child support or alimony and children. It is common to disagree on these aspects, because, after all, you are getting divorced. Do it yourself divorcing parties often reach a stalemate on these issues. Caught between the desire to handle the divorce themselves and the mounting frustration of not being able to reach agreement, many abandon the do it yourself divorce at this point and decide to simply battle it out in court.
In part two of this do it yourself divorce series, I urged anyone with questions about finances to consult with a divorce attorney and possibly a financial professional as well. Assuming there are no questions about income, the do it yourself divorce may be able to proceed with a little assistance. Using the services of a mediator may be very helpful in resolving a disagreement and getting both sides to reach a compromise. While a mediator cannot give you legal advice (and, as discussed previously, if you have questions about your child support or alimony rights or obligations, you should consult with a divorce attorney) he/she can help you work towards a settlement that you can both live with. Using the services of a family law mediator may cost more than a do it yourself divorce, but it may save you money in the long run if you are able to come to terms with your spouse. A family law mediator can also put your agreement and your parenting plan into writing so that you have a settlement agreement to file with the court.
A disagreement about time sharing, or a parenting plan, or even how to prepare a parenting plan are all issues that can cause parties to abandon the do it yourself divorce concept. Before “taking this to Court”, as many people indicate they wish to do when a disagreement arises, both parties need to keep in mind their reasons for choosing the do it yourself divorce process. Generally, the well being of the children is the main reason for trying to avoid court in the first place. When it comes to your children, you and your spouse are in the best position to decide what is in their best interest in terms of time sharing and making decisions about their health education or well being. While you may disagree on these issues, it is rare that anyone- parents and children included- will be happy with a Court Ordered schedule. This is another situation where it might be helpful to use the services of a divorce mediator to help you reach an agreement or to prepare your parenting plan.
Keep in mind that “agreeing on everything” is not the end of the process. A settlement agreement must be prepared and filed with the Court. In the next article, I’ll discuss the preparation of a settlement agreement and how to avoid the do it yourself divorce pitfalls.
Showing posts with label florida joint custody. Show all posts
Showing posts with label florida joint custody. Show all posts
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
The myth of 50/50 timesharing
Since the passing of the new parenting bill, many have believed that Florida is now a 50/50 time sharing state. While the words "custodial" and/or "primary residential" parent are no longer used, this does not mean that children will spend equal time with each parent in each and every case.
First, Nothing in the Florida law says that there is to be equal time with each parent. Instead, the law makes it clear that timesharing is to be determined based upon the unique circumstances of each and every family. There are several factors which judges need to review in order to make this decision, including, the amount of time each parent spends with the children and the amount of involvement in specific parenting tasks. The simple statement by a parent that he or she wants 50/50 timesharing simply is not enough.
Second, as most of us recognize, there simply cannot be a "one size fits all" approach to parenting. What works for one family may not work for another. It is also important to keep in mind that the standard is what is in the best interest of the child. Although this would seem to be on everyone's mind, those that fight to divide their children's time to be exactly equal may be ignoring the wants and needs of the particular child or children. How much time a child spends with either parent depends on the age of the child, the activities of the child and other factors. This does not mean, and judge would appear to agree, that it is always in the children's best interest to spend only alternating weekends with one parent either. The bottom line is that any parenting plan and timesharing schedule needs to be tailored to the particular family, with special consideration to the needs of the children involved
First, Nothing in the Florida law says that there is to be equal time with each parent. Instead, the law makes it clear that timesharing is to be determined based upon the unique circumstances of each and every family. There are several factors which judges need to review in order to make this decision, including, the amount of time each parent spends with the children and the amount of involvement in specific parenting tasks. The simple statement by a parent that he or she wants 50/50 timesharing simply is not enough.
Second, as most of us recognize, there simply cannot be a "one size fits all" approach to parenting. What works for one family may not work for another. It is also important to keep in mind that the standard is what is in the best interest of the child. Although this would seem to be on everyone's mind, those that fight to divide their children's time to be exactly equal may be ignoring the wants and needs of the particular child or children. How much time a child spends with either parent depends on the age of the child, the activities of the child and other factors. This does not mean, and judge would appear to agree, that it is always in the children's best interest to spend only alternating weekends with one parent either. The bottom line is that any parenting plan and timesharing schedule needs to be tailored to the particular family, with special consideration to the needs of the children involved
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
What Florida’s parenting bill will and will not do
I received numerous comments on the last blog entry, most equal in their convictions either for or against the new law. Based on the comments I read, there appears to be confusion as to what the new law actually does.
First, the law does not automatically provide for joint and rotating custody. This is the most important misunderstanding that needs to be correct. The law rewrites the entire statute, eliminating phrases such as “primary” and “secondary” parent as well as the words “visitation” and “custody”. These concepts were viewed as insulting to parents and often caused parties to litigate over who would receive which label. The “new” concept, really not new at all, is that both parents have the right to parent their children and share time with them. This only means that children are not viewed as possessions and parents as having a rank in terms of importance. We begin with the premise that both parents are equal in their children’s lives.
When it comes to the timesharing arrangements and the parenting plan, the court will still, as it has always tried to do, take into account the best interests of the children. The new law left out language about joint and rotating custody and, instead, gave judges a checklist of factors, some old and some new, to evaluate in determining time sharing between the two parents, including the history of involvement by both parents. This, of course, assumes that the judge has to make that decision and I’ve never met a judge who wanted to do that. There is no aspect of a divorce that parties are more strongly encourage to work out on their own than the time they spend with their children. And the new law has given them yet another way to encourage parties to do that.
In all Florida divorce cases where there are minor children, the parents are required to submit a detailed parenting plan. The plan specifies who will do what and the where’s and when’s of the parents interaction with their children. This portion is still being fine tuned by the legislative portion of the Florida Bar, but the goal is to eliminate conflict over who drives to soccer practice, whether the children contact mom or dad on their cell phones and a multitude of other issues which would previously have to be addressed in front of a judge, at a cost of two lawyers and a good deal of wait time.
Last, but not least, the new law provides a form of recourse when either parent does not abide by the time sharing schedule. This is designed to eliminate a situation where one parent seeks additional time with the children to avoid paying the full amount of child support which would otherwise be required.
It is too early to say how the judges will apply the new law. That information will come in time. But the hope is that the new law will eliminate many of the bitter contested battles that have plagued family courts, families, and, most importantly, children.
First, the law does not automatically provide for joint and rotating custody. This is the most important misunderstanding that needs to be correct. The law rewrites the entire statute, eliminating phrases such as “primary” and “secondary” parent as well as the words “visitation” and “custody”. These concepts were viewed as insulting to parents and often caused parties to litigate over who would receive which label. The “new” concept, really not new at all, is that both parents have the right to parent their children and share time with them. This only means that children are not viewed as possessions and parents as having a rank in terms of importance. We begin with the premise that both parents are equal in their children’s lives.
When it comes to the timesharing arrangements and the parenting plan, the court will still, as it has always tried to do, take into account the best interests of the children. The new law left out language about joint and rotating custody and, instead, gave judges a checklist of factors, some old and some new, to evaluate in determining time sharing between the two parents, including the history of involvement by both parents. This, of course, assumes that the judge has to make that decision and I’ve never met a judge who wanted to do that. There is no aspect of a divorce that parties are more strongly encourage to work out on their own than the time they spend with their children. And the new law has given them yet another way to encourage parties to do that.
In all Florida divorce cases where there are minor children, the parents are required to submit a detailed parenting plan. The plan specifies who will do what and the where’s and when’s of the parents interaction with their children. This portion is still being fine tuned by the legislative portion of the Florida Bar, but the goal is to eliminate conflict over who drives to soccer practice, whether the children contact mom or dad on their cell phones and a multitude of other issues which would previously have to be addressed in front of a judge, at a cost of two lawyers and a good deal of wait time.
Last, but not least, the new law provides a form of recourse when either parent does not abide by the time sharing schedule. This is designed to eliminate a situation where one parent seeks additional time with the children to avoid paying the full amount of child support which would otherwise be required.
It is too early to say how the judges will apply the new law. That information will come in time. But the hope is that the new law will eliminate many of the bitter contested battles that have plagued family courts, families, and, most importantly, children.
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