One New Jersey family therapist took to heart President Obama's national service provision. Its a little known portion of the economic recovery plan which calls for a national service plan similar to the Civilian Conservation Corps, which was created in response to the eerily similar Great Depression. But Dr. Alan Singer is doing more to answer the call than the President requested.
In response to a blog posting criticizing the plan, Singer submitted the following:
"I want to take it one step further during these stressful times of increasing unemployment and home foreclosures. I believe it is time to think about giving one day a month to help others by using our profession skills, especially to help those who recently lost their job or their house."
Singer volunteers his services on the weekends, meeting with couples who have been hard hit by the recession and whose marriages are struggling as a result. He spends his "free" time, free in two senses of the word, helping middle aged couples address the loss of the savings and helping younger couples struggle with the decision to begin or expand a family in these tough economic times.
Singer has seen the "nightmarish" stress that unemployment and foreclosure can impose on a marriage. He said there's an overwhelming lack of hope among these victims of the recession, for whom each new day brings only a new bill to pay or resume to submit.
If Singer had his way, these marriages would all survive. His efforts will certainly help some. But, even if divorce is inevitable, Singer's efforts will help these couples deal with the reality of divorce without the negative emotions that cause people to engage in battles over property (even when there is no property to fight over) and children.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Florida’s relocation statute and proposed changes
A couple of years ago, Florida lawmakers modified the relocation statute to include a rather strict set of requirements for a primary residential parent seeking to leave the state, or the geographical area, with the minor children. Currently, only the primary parent needs to take these steps prior to relocating. But, if a non-residential parent leaves the state, or moves more than 50 miles away, chances are good that the time sharing schedule with the children will change. This is often the subject of much after the fact litigation as the non residential parent moves and then seeks to modify or enforce visits with the children. A proposed change in the law may affect the non residential parent who doesn’t take steps to address the timesharing schedule before moving.
The proposed new law will require the non-residential parent to file a Notice of Relocation similar to the one a primary parent is now required to file. The notice will have to include a proposed time sharing schedule. If the parents cannot reach an agreement, the Court will hold a hearing and set a time sharing schedule which takes into account the travel distance between the child or children and the relocating non-residential parent. The Court may also address the issue of who will be responsible for travel expenses and whether the non-residential parent should receive an offset against child support for these expenses.
There is also a provision addressing the situation where the parent who moves away spends less time with the children. In such cases, child support may be modified upward to take into account the increased expenses borne by the residential parent.
It is too soon to say what provisions will be included, or whether the law will change at all. However, given the new timesharing statute and the trend towards more parents spending equal time with their children, it is clear that the state lawmakers need to set rules in place for situations where either parent moves away, especially since there is no longer a primary residential parent designation.
The proposed new law will require the non-residential parent to file a Notice of Relocation similar to the one a primary parent is now required to file. The notice will have to include a proposed time sharing schedule. If the parents cannot reach an agreement, the Court will hold a hearing and set a time sharing schedule which takes into account the travel distance between the child or children and the relocating non-residential parent. The Court may also address the issue of who will be responsible for travel expenses and whether the non-residential parent should receive an offset against child support for these expenses.
There is also a provision addressing the situation where the parent who moves away spends less time with the children. In such cases, child support may be modified upward to take into account the increased expenses borne by the residential parent.
It is too soon to say what provisions will be included, or whether the law will change at all. However, given the new timesharing statute and the trend towards more parents spending equal time with their children, it is clear that the state lawmakers need to set rules in place for situations where either parent moves away, especially since there is no longer a primary residential parent designation.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Recession is the right time to divorce: family law attorneys weigh in on the subject
It is no secret that divorce filings have decreased in recent months. Many people believe they are in a situation where they "can't afford to divorce". However, two divorce lawyers believe differently.
According to a St. Louis attorney who describes himself as representing men in divorce, the current recession is the ideal time to divorce. If divorce is going to happen, he reasons, its far better to divorce at a time when assets and income are at their lowest.
A Tampa based divorce attorney who represents women agrees, but for different reasons.
The recession can be used to his client's advantage as well, especially in what were two income families. If a woman has been laid off from her job, it stands to reason that she will have a need for increased child support and alimony.
Its hard to say whether many people agree with the reasoning of either lawyer. One thing is clear: divorce rates in south florida have declined. In Miami-Dade County, divorces dropped from 3,239 for the first three months of 2008 to 3,196 during the same period in 2009. In Broward, the number dropped from 2,148 for the first quarter of 2008 to 1,543 for the same period in 2009.
No one can say which gender will fare better by divorcing in a recession. But the one encouraging thing I see, as a collaborative attorney and a mediator, is that many couples are not buying into this "seize the opportunity to divorce now and pay less to your spouse" mentality. They seem to recognize that their spouse may not go quietly with less money and will probably launch a counter attack, i.e. a highly contested divorce. A highly contested divorce = lots of money spent in lawyer fees. Forget dividing what is left of the 401k- it will be liquidated and divided between your two attorneys.
If this happens, the economic gain advertised by these lawyers, i.e., less assets to give to your spouse, less alimony/child support, etc., will be offset by the high cost of contested divorce litigation. As the saying goes, only the lawyers will win. It appears that many recognize this, preferring to wait to divide their union in less economically distressed times and, perhaps ironically, have decided that, at least for the present, that they are in this together.
According to a St. Louis attorney who describes himself as representing men in divorce, the current recession is the ideal time to divorce. If divorce is going to happen, he reasons, its far better to divorce at a time when assets and income are at their lowest.
A Tampa based divorce attorney who represents women agrees, but for different reasons.
The recession can be used to his client's advantage as well, especially in what were two income families. If a woman has been laid off from her job, it stands to reason that she will have a need for increased child support and alimony.
Its hard to say whether many people agree with the reasoning of either lawyer. One thing is clear: divorce rates in south florida have declined. In Miami-Dade County, divorces dropped from 3,239 for the first three months of 2008 to 3,196 during the same period in 2009. In Broward, the number dropped from 2,148 for the first quarter of 2008 to 1,543 for the same period in 2009.
No one can say which gender will fare better by divorcing in a recession. But the one encouraging thing I see, as a collaborative attorney and a mediator, is that many couples are not buying into this "seize the opportunity to divorce now and pay less to your spouse" mentality. They seem to recognize that their spouse may not go quietly with less money and will probably launch a counter attack, i.e. a highly contested divorce. A highly contested divorce = lots of money spent in lawyer fees. Forget dividing what is left of the 401k- it will be liquidated and divided between your two attorneys.
If this happens, the economic gain advertised by these lawyers, i.e., less assets to give to your spouse, less alimony/child support, etc., will be offset by the high cost of contested divorce litigation. As the saying goes, only the lawyers will win. It appears that many recognize this, preferring to wait to divide their union in less economically distressed times and, perhaps ironically, have decided that, at least for the present, that they are in this together.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
DO IT YOURSELF DIVORCE PART FOUR: PREPARING A SETTLEMENT AGREEMENT
In the last do it yourself divorce article, I discussed how reaching an agreement is only a step in the process. A parenting plan and marital settlement agreement must be prepared and filed with the Court. This is another area where do it yourself divorce participants can run into trouble. Since most do it yourself divorce participants do not have experience in drafting divorce agreements, its not uncommon to miss important details and end up with an incomplete agreement.
One of the most common omissions is a detailed parenting plan. Many people believe they will simply work matters out as they arise and do not create detailed schedules for timesharing, holidays or vacation time. Do it yourself divorce participants may also forget to discuss extracurricular activities or college expenses. If a dispute arises later, some of these items may be waived because they are not included in a settlement agreement. It is important to take the time to address each and every issue before a problem arises. A divorce attorney or family law mediator may be of assistance in helping a do it yourself divorcing couple identify and reach agreement on all children-related issues.
A do it yourself divorce agreement may also lack time parameters or specifics for the sale or transfer of property. For example, if one person is going to keep a house or other property and needs to refinance to remove the other person’s name, the do it yourself divorce agreement may fail to state when the refinance will take place. Or, if a property is to be sold, the do it yourself divorce agreement may have no language about selecting a realtor, agreeing on a sales price or what to do about repairs and expenses before the home or property is sold.
The above are only a few examples of details that may be overlooked in a do it yourself divorce agreement. It is important to be as specific as possible in order to avoid problems and disputes down the road. Anyone who has specific questions about a do it yourself divorce agreement should consult a divorce attorney.
In the next post, I will discuss the last stage of the divorce process- the final hearing- as well as the matters that come up after a divorce becomes final.
One of the most common omissions is a detailed parenting plan. Many people believe they will simply work matters out as they arise and do not create detailed schedules for timesharing, holidays or vacation time. Do it yourself divorce participants may also forget to discuss extracurricular activities or college expenses. If a dispute arises later, some of these items may be waived because they are not included in a settlement agreement. It is important to take the time to address each and every issue before a problem arises. A divorce attorney or family law mediator may be of assistance in helping a do it yourself divorcing couple identify and reach agreement on all children-related issues.
A do it yourself divorce agreement may also lack time parameters or specifics for the sale or transfer of property. For example, if one person is going to keep a house or other property and needs to refinance to remove the other person’s name, the do it yourself divorce agreement may fail to state when the refinance will take place. Or, if a property is to be sold, the do it yourself divorce agreement may have no language about selecting a realtor, agreeing on a sales price or what to do about repairs and expenses before the home or property is sold.
The above are only a few examples of details that may be overlooked in a do it yourself divorce agreement. It is important to be as specific as possible in order to avoid problems and disputes down the road. Anyone who has specific questions about a do it yourself divorce agreement should consult a divorce attorney.
In the next post, I will discuss the last stage of the divorce process- the final hearing- as well as the matters that come up after a divorce becomes final.
Do it yourself Divorce Part Three: Timesharing, Parenting Plans and Child Support
In a do it yourself divorce, the devil is often in the details. Many potential clients tell me that their divorce will be “uncontested” and that they and their spouse “agree on everything”. More often than not, people believe this to be the case only because they have discussed the big picture and not the details. Once two people begin discussing how much money one will pay the other for child support and who will spend this Christmas with the children, a seemingly uncontested divorce suddenly becomes anything but and the desire to remain amicable is replaced with threats about going to court.
As a Florida family law mediator, I find that the biggest disputes arise over child support, alimony or time sharing. In a do it yourself divorce, even the most amicable divorcing couples can find themselves taking different sides when it comes to matters involving parenting plans, support issues, i.e., child support or alimony and children. It is common to disagree on these aspects, because, after all, you are getting divorced. Do it yourself divorcing parties often reach a stalemate on these issues. Caught between the desire to handle the divorce themselves and the mounting frustration of not being able to reach agreement, many abandon the do it yourself divorce at this point and decide to simply battle it out in court.
In part two of this do it yourself divorce series, I urged anyone with questions about finances to consult with a divorce attorney and possibly a financial professional as well. Assuming there are no questions about income, the do it yourself divorce may be able to proceed with a little assistance. Using the services of a mediator may be very helpful in resolving a disagreement and getting both sides to reach a compromise. While a mediator cannot give you legal advice (and, as discussed previously, if you have questions about your child support or alimony rights or obligations, you should consult with a divorce attorney) he/she can help you work towards a settlement that you can both live with. Using the services of a family law mediator may cost more than a do it yourself divorce, but it may save you money in the long run if you are able to come to terms with your spouse. A family law mediator can also put your agreement and your parenting plan into writing so that you have a settlement agreement to file with the court.
A disagreement about time sharing, or a parenting plan, or even how to prepare a parenting plan are all issues that can cause parties to abandon the do it yourself divorce concept. Before “taking this to Court”, as many people indicate they wish to do when a disagreement arises, both parties need to keep in mind their reasons for choosing the do it yourself divorce process. Generally, the well being of the children is the main reason for trying to avoid court in the first place. When it comes to your children, you and your spouse are in the best position to decide what is in their best interest in terms of time sharing and making decisions about their health education or well being. While you may disagree on these issues, it is rare that anyone- parents and children included- will be happy with a Court Ordered schedule. This is another situation where it might be helpful to use the services of a divorce mediator to help you reach an agreement or to prepare your parenting plan.
Keep in mind that “agreeing on everything” is not the end of the process. A settlement agreement must be prepared and filed with the Court. In the next article, I’ll discuss the preparation of a settlement agreement and how to avoid the do it yourself divorce pitfalls.
As a Florida family law mediator, I find that the biggest disputes arise over child support, alimony or time sharing. In a do it yourself divorce, even the most amicable divorcing couples can find themselves taking different sides when it comes to matters involving parenting plans, support issues, i.e., child support or alimony and children. It is common to disagree on these aspects, because, after all, you are getting divorced. Do it yourself divorcing parties often reach a stalemate on these issues. Caught between the desire to handle the divorce themselves and the mounting frustration of not being able to reach agreement, many abandon the do it yourself divorce at this point and decide to simply battle it out in court.
In part two of this do it yourself divorce series, I urged anyone with questions about finances to consult with a divorce attorney and possibly a financial professional as well. Assuming there are no questions about income, the do it yourself divorce may be able to proceed with a little assistance. Using the services of a mediator may be very helpful in resolving a disagreement and getting both sides to reach a compromise. While a mediator cannot give you legal advice (and, as discussed previously, if you have questions about your child support or alimony rights or obligations, you should consult with a divorce attorney) he/she can help you work towards a settlement that you can both live with. Using the services of a family law mediator may cost more than a do it yourself divorce, but it may save you money in the long run if you are able to come to terms with your spouse. A family law mediator can also put your agreement and your parenting plan into writing so that you have a settlement agreement to file with the court.
A disagreement about time sharing, or a parenting plan, or even how to prepare a parenting plan are all issues that can cause parties to abandon the do it yourself divorce concept. Before “taking this to Court”, as many people indicate they wish to do when a disagreement arises, both parties need to keep in mind their reasons for choosing the do it yourself divorce process. Generally, the well being of the children is the main reason for trying to avoid court in the first place. When it comes to your children, you and your spouse are in the best position to decide what is in their best interest in terms of time sharing and making decisions about their health education or well being. While you may disagree on these issues, it is rare that anyone- parents and children included- will be happy with a Court Ordered schedule. This is another situation where it might be helpful to use the services of a divorce mediator to help you reach an agreement or to prepare your parenting plan.
Keep in mind that “agreeing on everything” is not the end of the process. A settlement agreement must be prepared and filed with the Court. In the next article, I’ll discuss the preparation of a settlement agreement and how to avoid the do it yourself divorce pitfalls.
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