In a do it yourself divorce, the devil is often in the details. Many potential clients tell me that their divorce will be “uncontested” and that they and their spouse “agree on everything”. More often than not, people believe this to be the case only because they have discussed the big picture and not the details. Once two people begin discussing how much money one will pay the other for child support and who will spend this Christmas with the children, a seemingly uncontested divorce suddenly becomes anything but and the desire to remain amicable is replaced with threats about going to court.
As a Florida family law mediator, I find that the biggest disputes arise over child support, alimony or time sharing. In a do it yourself divorce, even the most amicable divorcing couples can find themselves taking different sides when it comes to matters involving parenting plans, support issues, i.e., child support or alimony and children. It is common to disagree on these aspects, because, after all, you are getting divorced. Do it yourself divorcing parties often reach a stalemate on these issues. Caught between the desire to handle the divorce themselves and the mounting frustration of not being able to reach agreement, many abandon the do it yourself divorce at this point and decide to simply battle it out in court.
In part two of this do it yourself divorce series, I urged anyone with questions about finances to consult with a divorce attorney and possibly a financial professional as well. Assuming there are no questions about income, the do it yourself divorce may be able to proceed with a little assistance. Using the services of a mediator may be very helpful in resolving a disagreement and getting both sides to reach a compromise. While a mediator cannot give you legal advice (and, as discussed previously, if you have questions about your child support or alimony rights or obligations, you should consult with a divorce attorney) he/she can help you work towards a settlement that you can both live with. Using the services of a family law mediator may cost more than a do it yourself divorce, but it may save you money in the long run if you are able to come to terms with your spouse. A family law mediator can also put your agreement and your parenting plan into writing so that you have a settlement agreement to file with the court.
A disagreement about time sharing, or a parenting plan, or even how to prepare a parenting plan are all issues that can cause parties to abandon the do it yourself divorce concept. Before “taking this to Court”, as many people indicate they wish to do when a disagreement arises, both parties need to keep in mind their reasons for choosing the do it yourself divorce process. Generally, the well being of the children is the main reason for trying to avoid court in the first place. When it comes to your children, you and your spouse are in the best position to decide what is in their best interest in terms of time sharing and making decisions about their health education or well being. While you may disagree on these issues, it is rare that anyone- parents and children included- will be happy with a Court Ordered schedule. This is another situation where it might be helpful to use the services of a divorce mediator to help you reach an agreement or to prepare your parenting plan.
Keep in mind that “agreeing on everything” is not the end of the process. A settlement agreement must be prepared and filed with the Court. In the next article, I’ll discuss the preparation of a settlement agreement and how to avoid the do it yourself divorce pitfalls.
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